Why Harry is both wrong and right.

In one of my favourite films, When Harry Met Sally, Harry proclaims firmly that men and women can never be friends, because the sexual tension that inevitably arises ruins the friendship.

I think that, in terms of sexual tension, I don't think I've ever had a close friendship with a man that didn't have some element of attraction in it. I'm not talking about the casual friend, the colleague, the old schoolmate - I mean the type of friendship where you talk frequently (more than once or twice a week under normal circumstances), you share intimacies, moments, injokes.

I don't have many close friends. You see, I have circles of emotional/friendship intimacy, which are rather different in structure to my circles of physical intimacy. I have the Inner Core, the handful of people who are very special to me - I would want to have these people around me if I was upset. There's the Outer Core, people who I enjoy having around me but maybe wouldn't call on them first to sit with me if I was sad, but I'd still be not uncomfortable with them seeing me in a state. In the Cores, I have around seven people. Sadly, a lot of people I interact with very warmly and affectionately are not in my Cores. It's not because I do not love them, it's just a more detached form of love.

Now, I have a friend, T. Over the course of the two years I've been at university, he's transitioned from outer circles to Outer Core, maybe even Inner Core. It's strange. When I first knew him, I was attracted to him, in the way that a interior decorator is attracted to an undecorated room. After some while, events and drama, we arrived at this summer, and we spent night after night talking into the small hours about anything and everything. My life, family, friends, lovers, and the same for him. We became very close very quickly. And, the initial attraction I had for him faded and merged into my growing respect and interest in him.

Then he went away. He's in a place with no internet, and he's been there for several weeks now, and I missed him. And, he missed me. He wrote me a letter, and it was enjoyable to read. I'm going to begin to write a reply before I head to bed.

So, what am I trying to say? Well, here I have a close male friend, whom I am not sexually attracted to. I was attracted to him before, but not now. I don't know how long our friendship will last in its present state. I imagine it fading to someone I like to talk to on occasion, but not with the same intensity and frequency. Still pretty intimate, maybe, but not quite as often.

Still, it's nice to have several people who don't mind being on the receiving end of my rants. It means that it's not just one poor person who's inundated with details of my not-so-interesting life/opinion.