Today...

Woken up at 8, asked what should Dad buy for me in the supermarket. Decided to roll out of bed, grab clothes, and just go with him. Dressed entirely like a boy (except for the skinny jeans). Bought lots of stuff.

Later in the day, I dressed entirely like a girl. Cute t-shirt, ruffly cotton layered skirt. I had hips like a goddess, which makes a change, cos my hips are actually pretty damn narrow. (Thank goodness for my butt.)

Excellent food day: Weetabix, hot milk and chopped banana; hummous, pitta bread and carrot sticks; grapes and dilute juice; cream cheese on bagel, cup of tea; Chinese take out; slice of toast.

Lazy study day. Made some progress. Easing myself into things. Doing Lie Algebras right now.

Discovered Sesame Street videos. Laughed until I cried. Flailed my limbs about in pure joy. Found a great video of Natalie Portman, dressed as an elephant, dancing with an elephant dressed as a princess. So fucking cute.

Talked to Tristan and Dave about things and stuff. Nothing too deep. Linked them to all the Sesame Street stuff.

Watched a gymnastics movie with a Fall Out Boy soundtrack. Kickass.

Had a two hour nap while the Budget was on the TV. Woke up to see Nick Clegg asking politicians to cut the crap and tell the truth.

Listened to Dancing With Myself, and Imagine (the originals, not the Glee covers).

"That's very smart, Banana, very smart."

Today was a pretty good day. Doesn't quite beat the day in the Bullring with a Krispy Kreme, though.

Wednesday, unrelated to Sheffield.

Today I used snooze on my alarm clock when I woke up for the first time in ages. Since going to the gym, I've had more energy in the days, and not had a nap since I joined, but if I go to bed too late, I'm still tired in the mornings. So, as soon as I've done this post, I will be going to bed.

I am lucky; tomorrow, my shift at work doesn't start until 2pm, so I have time to have a leisurely breakfast, watch America's Next Top Model and eat a light lunch, since my shift isn't long enough to take a break.

I like this cycle of Top Model that's on Living at the moment. I think that, since while I've been on holiday, I have watched from the very beginning of Cycle 1 all the way through to today, which was the third episode of Cycle 4. This is the cycle in which Tyra goes insane when a girl laughs off her elimination, as opposed to having an instant nervous breakdown. If you're really bored, go to Youtube, and search "Tyra goes crazy". Pretty easy to find. This is also one of my favourite cycles because of Kahlen, the shy girl who loses out to the winner for not quite pulling off "the Covergirl look". She's given up the modelling gig, and she is a bartender.

I was looking through Facebook pictures, and I saw some of the time David's sister came to visit him, and we had a laugh in his hall's kitchen/dining area. I really miss him... I miss not being able to sit with him quietly and just look at him and feel happy. I talk a lot sometimes, and forget just how nice it is to just exist next to him. For some reason, it makes me feel very happy, even though it's not something physical to hold like a gift, or something that's happening, like a birthday or something exciting. It's just... nice.

I got bit by insects; once on the side of my face, next to my ear, once on my neck.

There was some football violence yesterday in Upton Park, where West Ham were playing. This meant that Mother went to Finsbury Park instead to buy hair products, and they were more expensive there, but she was worried that there'd be a lot of mess from the rioting and chaos.

I went to the gym. I slacked off on the bike, and I should really try harder. There's two different types of stationary bike at the gym, and I think I might try the second type tomorrow, to see if it's any better for me.

I have stabbing needle pains in my gut, my arms, and my legs.

It's midnight-ish. I am going to braid my hair, and then go to sleep so I can wake up in time for Top Model tomorrow morning at 10am. Besides, getting up past 10am is pretty decadent, isn't it?

Bizarro...

There are so many things that I want to SRS BSNS blog about, or at least just sit and think and try and work out what's going on. Instead of doing that, and upsetting myself repeatedly with each topic, I could just put it all into bullet points, risk upsetting myself once, and just getting on with it.

You never know. I might not even be sad, I might just feel relieved. Here it goes!

• Essay. Assignment. Maths inadequacy. The fact that EVERYONE ELSE IS TOTALLY FINE and they're counting words and I'm just trying to work out how the fuck Hensel's Lemma could possibly be the most useful p-adic lemma ever since it seems totally useless to me.
• I am talking to my ex about getting married. Well, he wants to get married, and he's talking to me about it, and it's weird to think that this time last year, we ate quiche and watched a movie and partially broke his bed.
• I think I'm having coffee with another ex. Just coffee. I want to be friends with him, and help him out, cos he's useless on his own, and I don't want to end up with us being 40 and he just feels as stuck as he was when he was 19.
• The Killers... are on loop. Why? Cos I did that.
• I forgot breakfast, and I'm well on the way to missing lunch. I'm just not hungry.
• The needles-in-gut pain has gone away. That is REALLY PLEASING because a week of that was the least fun thing ever.
• Thank god the cruise is over. It was nice, but I love having my own room again. My family were, and still are, driving me up the wall.
  
• Phone conversations suck. I want the real David back.
• I am Such An Idiot because of the key thing.
• I am blogging instead of fixing any of my problems.

I was reading emails and chat logs offline on the cruise when I couldn't get online and I remember reading that time D and I were first getting together, and it was just so fast and sudden and we'd known each other for a week or so and he asked me if I wanted to sleep with him, and I was like "no!" cos it had only been a week and we both kinda freaked out a bit, then laughed cos it was silly. He then sent me an email after, and I like to read that one a lot. It's not very long, and I doubt he even remembers sending it to me. But... it's just so him. I miss him so much. Friday will be nice.

I'm back onto ANTM again, Cycle 4. One of my favourites. Naima's great.

It's weird to think I'll never see my lesbian cruise friends again. Danielle, Michelle, Melanie - three awesome ladies that showed me that you can be a regular person with a regular life and just date women. You don't have to wear rainbows and be part of a gay group... you can just be you. I forget that a lot, and worry about it... and I shouldn't.

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Well... I guess I should start my day. Ciao.

America's Next Top Model: bring it on, bitches!

Cycle 11 aired its first two episodes together on Wednesday night over the pond, and due to the magic of Youtube, I was able to watch them on Thursday morning, before I went to work.

Cycle 10 sucked, to be blunt. There were a couple girls I liked, but there seemed to be much more footage of "bitcheh bitcheh bitcheh" than usual; maybe time just dragged a lot more! I think that the girls just had less talent, really. A lot of them just *wanted* to be a model, and hadn't really learnt anything about it beforehand. There was one girl, Anya. Stunning, but as empty as an egg cup. I mean, we're talking about stereotypical model-blonde dumb. She was just so... it was incredible how dumb she sounded sometimes. And, she shares my birthday! She was born on the same day in the same year as I was. She's a nascent model; I'm a nascent mathematician [and wannabe model. Ha!] It's really weird to think about where other people born on my birthday have managed to reach with the time we've had.

[Aside: I just spend a little while looking at a blog of hot Russian girls who are famous somehow: models, actresses, etc. If I had a collar, I'd be so hot under it!]

So, what do I think of Cycle 11 so far?

I'm already starting to have a couple favourites. I love this cute French girl, Marjorie. She's just... so nervous and quiet and cute on screen. Sadly, they're not qualities that will make A Top Model, as Tyra would say.

Isis is probably the most talked about girl in the house. Isis is a transwoman, pre-op, who was discovered after being a homeless person / set prop last cycle in a photoshoot. Man, she was fiiiieeeerce! The judges thought There's Something About Isis, but didn't know until Tyra said. She takes a great picture, and seems to be less vacuous than some of the other girls. Of course, some girls don't care about Isis' presence in the all-female competition, others do.

Best quote from the show so far: "It's not a closeminded view, it's just traditional." [It's worth blogging about on its own later, methinks.]

The overall theme of the episode was.... hilarious. It was like cheap Star Trek, 6os and 70s visions of the future, complete with silver rooms, panels with lots and lots of buttons and awful CGI effects. And TyraBot.

*sigh*

I'm hoping that it doesn't stay this naff. My addiction to Top Model ensures that I will be a loyal viewer till the very end. So, if it's interesting to watch, it'll be more fun.

On the plus side, hot girls! Yay. I can always just turn down the sound and watch.