In other news...

I feel really weird.

I don't want to be told I'm attractive, or pretty, or funny, or smart, because these all seem like lies. It just seems like... I'm being told this because this is "true" and it will make me feel better about myself, and I will be calm and cheery and happy and all the sudden I'll emerge from this childish cocoon I've been hiding myself in, realise my Potential As A Woman, and just go "Right. All is well. Let's do this!"

But...

Leave me alone.

I honestly just want everyone to leave me alone. Just... let me be. Stop telling me things.

Of course, there's that part of me that fears being alone more than anything else, and is afraid to embrace the austere beauty of hours spent perfectly alone. No music, no people. Maybe a book, and a breeze, and a bench. And a large expanse of green.

There's two sides of me fighting, and I'm caught in between. Normally, I have no idea what I want to do anyway, and just go with whatever, but... I'm just freaking myself out here. I'm probably making this whole thing into something bigger than it is.

Is it?
I don't know.

I just don't know. :/