Bizarro...

There are so many things that I want to SRS BSNS blog about, or at least just sit and think and try and work out what's going on. Instead of doing that, and upsetting myself repeatedly with each topic, I could just put it all into bullet points, risk upsetting myself once, and just getting on with it.

You never know. I might not even be sad, I might just feel relieved. Here it goes!

• Essay. Assignment. Maths inadequacy. The fact that EVERYONE ELSE IS TOTALLY FINE and they're counting words and I'm just trying to work out how the fuck Hensel's Lemma could possibly be the most useful p-adic lemma ever since it seems totally useless to me.
• I am talking to my ex about getting married. Well, he wants to get married, and he's talking to me about it, and it's weird to think that this time last year, we ate quiche and watched a movie and partially broke his bed.
• I think I'm having coffee with another ex. Just coffee. I want to be friends with him, and help him out, cos he's useless on his own, and I don't want to end up with us being 40 and he just feels as stuck as he was when he was 19.
• The Killers... are on loop. Why? Cos I did that.
• I forgot breakfast, and I'm well on the way to missing lunch. I'm just not hungry.
• The needles-in-gut pain has gone away. That is REALLY PLEASING because a week of that was the least fun thing ever.
• Thank god the cruise is over. It was nice, but I love having my own room again. My family were, and still are, driving me up the wall.
  
• Phone conversations suck. I want the real David back.
• I am Such An Idiot because of the key thing.
• I am blogging instead of fixing any of my problems.

I was reading emails and chat logs offline on the cruise when I couldn't get online and I remember reading that time D and I were first getting together, and it was just so fast and sudden and we'd known each other for a week or so and he asked me if I wanted to sleep with him, and I was like "no!" cos it had only been a week and we both kinda freaked out a bit, then laughed cos it was silly. He then sent me an email after, and I like to read that one a lot. It's not very long, and I doubt he even remembers sending it to me. But... it's just so him. I miss him so much. Friday will be nice.

I'm back onto ANTM again, Cycle 4. One of my favourites. Naima's great.

It's weird to think I'll never see my lesbian cruise friends again. Danielle, Michelle, Melanie - three awesome ladies that showed me that you can be a regular person with a regular life and just date women. You don't have to wear rainbows and be part of a gay group... you can just be you. I forget that a lot, and worry about it... and I shouldn't.

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Well... I guess I should start my day. Ciao.