Woken up at 8, asked what should Dad buy for me in the supermarket. Decided to roll out of bed, grab clothes, and just go with him. Dressed entirely like a boy (except for the skinny jeans). Bought lots of stuff.
Later in the day, I dressed entirely like a girl. Cute t-shirt, ruffly cotton layered skirt. I had hips like a goddess, which makes a change, cos my hips are actually pretty damn narrow. (Thank goodness for my butt.)
Excellent food day: Weetabix, hot milk and chopped banana; hummous, pitta bread and carrot sticks; grapes and dilute juice; cream cheese on bagel, cup of tea; Chinese take out; slice of toast.
Lazy study day. Made some progress. Easing myself into things. Doing Lie Algebras right now.
Discovered Sesame Street videos. Laughed until I cried. Flailed my limbs about in pure joy. Found a great video of Natalie Portman, dressed as an elephant, dancing with an elephant dressed as a princess. So fucking cute.
Talked to Tristan and Dave about things and stuff. Nothing too deep. Linked them to all the Sesame Street stuff.
Watched a gymnastics movie with a Fall Out Boy soundtrack. Kickass.
Had a two hour nap while the Budget was on the TV. Woke up to see Nick Clegg asking politicians to cut the crap and tell the truth.
Listened to Dancing With Myself, and Imagine (the originals, not the Glee covers).
"That's very smart, Banana, very smart."
Today was a pretty good day. Doesn't quite beat the day in the Bullring with a Krispy Kreme, though.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
It's to be expected.
For a while (perhaps since first year, even) I've had a bit of a crush on a Christian.
Gasp! Shock! Horror! etc.
He's cute, pretty serious, good at maths, generally not a jerk, and loves God, but not in an evangelical bible-thumpy way. He just radiates NICE everywhere.
I considered asking him out once, but I realised I was too much of an unholy mess to go for a guy that good. So, you know, I didn't.
Then, the rest of my life happened, and we get to yesterday, when I find out he's "In A Relationship with" a Christian girl. She's kinda pretty, I assume she'll be kinda nice - Christian girls usually are.
I felt a twinge of something when I found out. Such a tiny thing, but I dunno. Pretty silly, really. But I did kinda like him.
It's a Reality Check - people date! I don't really want him anyway, but, it was a feeling that I experienced, and I documented it. So there.
Feelings are tricky.
Gasp! Shock! Horror! etc.
He's cute, pretty serious, good at maths, generally not a jerk, and loves God, but not in an evangelical bible-thumpy way. He just radiates NICE everywhere.
I considered asking him out once, but I realised I was too much of an unholy mess to go for a guy that good. So, you know, I didn't.
Then, the rest of my life happened, and we get to yesterday, when I find out he's "In A Relationship with" a Christian girl. She's kinda pretty, I assume she'll be kinda nice - Christian girls usually are.
I felt a twinge of something when I found out. Such a tiny thing, but I dunno. Pretty silly, really. But I did kinda like him.
It's a Reality Check - people date! I don't really want him anyway, but, it was a feeling that I experienced, and I documented it. So there.
Feelings are tricky.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Post-electioneering...
So, after the weeks of being bombarded by "Vote Joe!" signs all over campus, we have a new Sabbatical Officer team sitting in the wings, waiting to take over the current ones. After being gently nudged and prodded to care about referenda and voting, the referenda all did reach quorum (just about), and two conflicting motions were both passed. (Can you simultaneously reaffirm and dissolve sponsorship bans from unethical companies?)
It is also interesting to note how a student body of over 20,000 can't get more than 2000 people to vote. Students are turned off by politics, and even more turned off by the politics that should be the most relevant to them: who runs their union, and what does their union do for them. People don't vote unless their friends are running, or they're one of the few people genuinely passionate about their union.
Most people don't care; they rarely see the union actively working for them. Most just see the union do things that they rather resent, like tearing down a grubby but well-loved union and giving them an expensive, empty-feeling building with silly names for places (who names a pub the Dirty Duck?!) Or, giving them a £100+ per ticket graduation ball and summer festival they didn't ask for, when all they wanted was a Final Fling, like every other year got.
But, I digress. In general, the student body doesn't care about their union, and they don't care too much about who's actually doing what.
Take Union Council, for example. In the yearly election, where some are vying for presidential power, or some other large Sabb role, others are elected to be on Union Council. Compared to how large the campaigns for Sabb roles are, the other elected positions fade into nothingness. So, nobody really notices (or cares) about bodies like Union Council.
Until now.
Among other things they do (of which I'm not quite sure), they also have the power to hold Sabbs to account. This means that they can question a Sabb's actions, censure Sabbs (an official written slap-on-the-wrist) or even pass a motion of no confidence if they feel a Sabb can no longer fulfil their role in accordance with the constitution they agreed to abide by.
So, when the Communications Officer sent a biased email, wrote a biased flyer, and made a biased Facebook group, they held him to account, and they passed the motion of no confidence.
What is the role of Communications Officer? To communicate. Referenda are probably the most important thing for a union, they are the way that the student body can actually make decisions on where its union goes. So, if the Communications Officer makes the mistake of only mentioning two of his favourite motions and making it quite clear what side he's on, I don't think that he's using his Sabb powers to benefit the union.
There are questions of course. Should it be right for Union Council to be able to make such large decisions with a meeting that barely reached quorum? Should there have been a 2/3 majority vote? Given that students are now becoming aware of Union Council actually doing something, they're in a tizzy, and everyone's crying for an EGM. Should an EGM be able to overturn the Council's decision?
Were they too harsh? He didn't do it on purpose, it was a mistake, he said. Would censure suffice as a punishment?
As for the whole "Union Council pushing around their power to ruin lives", well, you know, this is what happens when people stop caring about politics. A bunch of people they don't know get elected by their friends, and representation fails to work. They make decisions, and if you didn't go out to vote and choose them, you can't expect to strike lucky, and have a team that represents you. You need to vote, or, better still, be on that council and make decisions.
Besides, bodies like Union Council have to exist, for the sake of sanity. Could you imagine having direct democracy, a referendum on every issue? The levels of voter apathy are bad enough as it is.
A motion of no confidence is a pretty big deal. Should you trust the student body to be able to judge whether he acted constitutionally, or whether making him leave his job is a fair punishment?
I dunno. It's all a big mess, really. I'm not really that invested in the politics itself; I just like to watch the carnage...
To end though, I would like to point out that I have some friends who are involved in Union stuff, and are very passionate about it, and love their work, and take it very seriously. I respect what they do. Such a thankless job, for the main part. Yet, as we've seen, the decisions they make behind closed door really can make a difference.
It is also interesting to note how a student body of over 20,000 can't get more than 2000 people to vote. Students are turned off by politics, and even more turned off by the politics that should be the most relevant to them: who runs their union, and what does their union do for them. People don't vote unless their friends are running, or they're one of the few people genuinely passionate about their union.
Most people don't care; they rarely see the union actively working for them. Most just see the union do things that they rather resent, like tearing down a grubby but well-loved union and giving them an expensive, empty-feeling building with silly names for places (who names a pub the Dirty Duck?!) Or, giving them a £100+ per ticket graduation ball and summer festival they didn't ask for, when all they wanted was a Final Fling, like every other year got.
But, I digress. In general, the student body doesn't care about their union, and they don't care too much about who's actually doing what.
Take Union Council, for example. In the yearly election, where some are vying for presidential power, or some other large Sabb role, others are elected to be on Union Council. Compared to how large the campaigns for Sabb roles are, the other elected positions fade into nothingness. So, nobody really notices (or cares) about bodies like Union Council.
Until now.
Among other things they do (of which I'm not quite sure), they also have the power to hold Sabbs to account. This means that they can question a Sabb's actions, censure Sabbs (an official written slap-on-the-wrist) or even pass a motion of no confidence if they feel a Sabb can no longer fulfil their role in accordance with the constitution they agreed to abide by.
So, when the Communications Officer sent a biased email, wrote a biased flyer, and made a biased Facebook group, they held him to account, and they passed the motion of no confidence.
What is the role of Communications Officer? To communicate. Referenda are probably the most important thing for a union, they are the way that the student body can actually make decisions on where its union goes. So, if the Communications Officer makes the mistake of only mentioning two of his favourite motions and making it quite clear what side he's on, I don't think that he's using his Sabb powers to benefit the union.
There are questions of course. Should it be right for Union Council to be able to make such large decisions with a meeting that barely reached quorum? Should there have been a 2/3 majority vote? Given that students are now becoming aware of Union Council actually doing something, they're in a tizzy, and everyone's crying for an EGM. Should an EGM be able to overturn the Council's decision?
Were they too harsh? He didn't do it on purpose, it was a mistake, he said. Would censure suffice as a punishment?
As for the whole "Union Council pushing around their power to ruin lives", well, you know, this is what happens when people stop caring about politics. A bunch of people they don't know get elected by their friends, and representation fails to work. They make decisions, and if you didn't go out to vote and choose them, you can't expect to strike lucky, and have a team that represents you. You need to vote, or, better still, be on that council and make decisions.
Besides, bodies like Union Council have to exist, for the sake of sanity. Could you imagine having direct democracy, a referendum on every issue? The levels of voter apathy are bad enough as it is.
A motion of no confidence is a pretty big deal. Should you trust the student body to be able to judge whether he acted constitutionally, or whether making him leave his job is a fair punishment?
I dunno. It's all a big mess, really. I'm not really that invested in the politics itself; I just like to watch the carnage...
To end though, I would like to point out that I have some friends who are involved in Union stuff, and are very passionate about it, and love their work, and take it very seriously. I respect what they do. Such a thankless job, for the main part. Yet, as we've seen, the decisions they make behind closed door really can make a difference.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
A small victory against the forces that do oppress us daily.
Once again, teaching a fresher how to debate. It gets a little old after a while.
Motion: THW allow surrogate mothers to be paid.
1st opp, with a fresher.
Two finalist debaters in the room, the kid that came to Cambridge with me, and a curiously attractive 7 foot tall philosopher judging the room.
No material in my speech since I gave it all to my fresh partner. Blank pages, speaking second after Z iron manned from first prop, five minutes to fill.
Result: SECOND PLACE.
Pretty ace, really.
Motion: THW allow surrogate mothers to be paid.
1st opp, with a fresher.
Two finalist debaters in the room, the kid that came to Cambridge with me, and a curiously attractive 7 foot tall philosopher judging the room.
No material in my speech since I gave it all to my fresh partner. Blank pages, speaking second after Z iron manned from first prop, five minutes to fill.
Result: SECOND PLACE.
Pretty ace, really.
Monday, March 08, 2010
Zip!
If terms were to make a sound, that's what they'd make.
Many, many months ago, I was stood in the Sports Centre car park with a few bags of shopping and a tear on my cheek. My parents drove away, and I wondered just how long 10 weeks would feel.
The first night was slow, and long. But, then I went to the free-food-and-quiz that the Chaplaincy was hosting, and the rest is history.
I'm nearly three years in. That's a long time to spend in one place, I think. I dunno. Three *weeks* can see like a long time to be in one place (especially if it's on holiday with my family).
I'm almost ready to leave in some respects. But not quite. I still like this place. I reckon that, by this time next year, I'll be ready to leave, get a job. I might not even do a PhD. I'm not sure I'm considering doing one for the right reasons. Or even if I'm able to do one, academically.
I was at a table today, in the department. Three (occasionally four) smart guys were on my table, pacing, scrawling on nearby blackboards, braincells firing. I felt so fucking stupid next to them. Like, my brain was made of treacle. I brought a full-set of legible lecture notes, which they frequently perused and occasionally asked me to help find a definition, but that was pretty much the extent of my use.
I just wish I was smart and confident like them. I'm not stupid, I know, but I just want to give up so badly sometimes. It's just so difficult to see someone just pull theorems and results and words out of the air, put them on a blackboard and just make it work, when I spent all weekend desperately trying to get my head around anything and just getting more frustrated and depressed.
It'll pass, it always does. It's hard for a while, then the concepts click and you're doing fine again. It'll just be difficult for a little while, but it's why I'm here, isn't it? :p
Many, many months ago, I was stood in the Sports Centre car park with a few bags of shopping and a tear on my cheek. My parents drove away, and I wondered just how long 10 weeks would feel.
The first night was slow, and long. But, then I went to the free-food-and-quiz that the Chaplaincy was hosting, and the rest is history.
I'm nearly three years in. That's a long time to spend in one place, I think. I dunno. Three *weeks* can see like a long time to be in one place (especially if it's on holiday with my family).
I'm almost ready to leave in some respects. But not quite. I still like this place. I reckon that, by this time next year, I'll be ready to leave, get a job. I might not even do a PhD. I'm not sure I'm considering doing one for the right reasons. Or even if I'm able to do one, academically.
I was at a table today, in the department. Three (occasionally four) smart guys were on my table, pacing, scrawling on nearby blackboards, braincells firing. I felt so fucking stupid next to them. Like, my brain was made of treacle. I brought a full-set of legible lecture notes, which they frequently perused and occasionally asked me to help find a definition, but that was pretty much the extent of my use.
I just wish I was smart and confident like them. I'm not stupid, I know, but I just want to give up so badly sometimes. It's just so difficult to see someone just pull theorems and results and words out of the air, put them on a blackboard and just make it work, when I spent all weekend desperately trying to get my head around anything and just getting more frustrated and depressed.
It'll pass, it always does. It's hard for a while, then the concepts click and you're doing fine again. It'll just be difficult for a little while, but it's why I'm here, isn't it? :p
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Fall forward, spring back.
Sometimes, you fuck it up. *shrug* It happens. Pretty often when it comes to me, in fact.
Then you find something wonderful, inside all the mess and entanglements.
I found... a soulmate, I think. We went to dinner last night, Tristan and I, and we talked honestly and we came out the other side. We were both scared, I think, that we'd have just landed on two different opinions that were fundamentally incompatible. But, we didn't.
Of course, everyone at debating jokes that we're this clear obvious why-are-they-not-dating couple, and yet we both agreed we'd be a terrible partnership. But, as friends, it's perfect. We need each other, and we give each other what the other need.
He's my favourite person in the world right now. I can see myself being just as close to him after graduation, and beyond. I will miss him so much when he leaves.
There's still a lot of cleaning up to do, and things that need time to heal, but I am pretty pleased to find that life can throw up something immensely awesome even when you fuck up.
Then you find something wonderful, inside all the mess and entanglements.
I found... a soulmate, I think. We went to dinner last night, Tristan and I, and we talked honestly and we came out the other side. We were both scared, I think, that we'd have just landed on two different opinions that were fundamentally incompatible. But, we didn't.
Of course, everyone at debating jokes that we're this clear obvious why-are-they-not-dating couple, and yet we both agreed we'd be a terrible partnership. But, as friends, it's perfect. We need each other, and we give each other what the other need.
He's my favourite person in the world right now. I can see myself being just as close to him after graduation, and beyond. I will miss him so much when he leaves.
There's still a lot of cleaning up to do, and things that need time to heal, but I am pretty pleased to find that life can throw up something immensely awesome even when you fuck up.
Friday, February 19, 2010
Weekend of...?
This weekend, after lectures, I'm going home, then going to London.
My parents are renewing their vows.
One of the best speakers in debating asked me if I'd like to compete with him in Leeds, and I had to turn him down. Of course, something this important to my family is more important than a competition, but still, it'd have been really great to speak with him that much.
I hope it won't be too awkward. I have lots of new paperbacks now, of varying sizes, so I can slip a couple thin ones into my bag and it might not be so bad.
VERY busy week to look forward to though. Pride Q&A panel stuff, movies, Hornblower, more movies, meetings, socials, lectures, all that jazz.
On top of that, it seems like I should get started with revision in earnest quite soon. Four weeks of term left, five weeks of holiday before the exam slaughter begins. I've been reading through notes, revisiting notation, relearning definitions. My plan is to start to seriously look at example sheets and move onto exam papers, and looking at important exam-condition-provable results from the course.
So, there's lots and lots going on. So far, I'm just running around madly between everything I'm doing and getting tired but still enjoying everything. It's a good thing I'm an optimist with a seemingly endless Supply of Emergency Joy to call upon.
In other news, swimming has made my arms look sexier. SCORE!
My parents are renewing their vows.
One of the best speakers in debating asked me if I'd like to compete with him in Leeds, and I had to turn him down. Of course, something this important to my family is more important than a competition, but still, it'd have been really great to speak with him that much.
I hope it won't be too awkward. I have lots of new paperbacks now, of varying sizes, so I can slip a couple thin ones into my bag and it might not be so bad.
VERY busy week to look forward to though. Pride Q&A panel stuff, movies, Hornblower, more movies, meetings, socials, lectures, all that jazz.
On top of that, it seems like I should get started with revision in earnest quite soon. Four weeks of term left, five weeks of holiday before the exam slaughter begins. I've been reading through notes, revisiting notation, relearning definitions. My plan is to start to seriously look at example sheets and move onto exam papers, and looking at important exam-condition-provable results from the course.
So, there's lots and lots going on. So far, I'm just running around madly between everything I'm doing and getting tired but still enjoying everything. It's a good thing I'm an optimist with a seemingly endless Supply of Emergency Joy to call upon.
In other news, swimming has made my arms look sexier. SCORE!
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