So, my mother has taken this girl, noticed her laissez-faire attitude when it comes to ironing and bedmaking, seen the boxers and the manshirts and found out she's chosen male housemates. She has come to this decision.
I either am a man, or want to be one.
She then said that "my Kelly" is the only girl she knows that dresses like I do. But she actually dresses *like a guy*. I just wear clothes... in a kinda girlish fashion, I'd say! I wear boxers in bed mostly, or just to wander around the house, so that Dad doesn't freak out and tell me to put clothes on. I wore men's tshirts cos I hated how I looked in fitted stuff because of the body image issues I've had since FOREVER. It's not fair to blame my parents entirely, but I think I'll blame the male half of Team Parental just a little. Sometimes, it is cool to play it androgynous - I do like guyshirts, and keeping things a little sharp - but with my Features, it makes it difficult. But, sometimes it's nice to just go out, not dress to kill, slob around, and let guys treat you as a non-threatening equal. I don't mind being "one of the guys" in a social sense - but not in a literal "Woo! We all have cocks... except Sarah, who really would quite like one."
I'm not a big fan of cock. [There are a few exceptions. Don't worry!]
I... where did this come from? I thought that I was really quite girly in my own way. I don't wear jewellery all the time, but I do sometimes. I love skirts, and feeling pretty. I've worn dresses voluntarily. I brush my hair. If she'd been paying ANY attention to me while I've been at home, she'll have noticed that I love my fitted jeans and the new red skirt I bought. Not really a stereotypical item of clothing for a "man" to wear: a cute, pleated, red skirt.
Why do I feel like I have to justify myself so much?
And does this mean that that my parents have actually realised that Kelly likes girls? I mean, my gaydar is totally malfunctioning - it only seems to work on guys. But, with her, I'm just like "ding ding ding!" BUT it could be because I know she's into me.
My mother wished I was more feminine. She said that she really would like me to be.
Why can't I just be me? Why can't that be good enough...?
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Damned if you do, damned if you don't much???
ReplyDeleteWhat if you wore nothing but revealing sparkly minidresses and false eyelashes? How pleased would they be then?
Probably not very?
Hugs. And sympathies.
Also, lollerskates! to their assessment of your gendered behaviour... not to slap labels on you or anything, but you are probably the most femme person I know.
Oh - femme in a womanly way, not femme like a big fairy, like me.
If you're just you then you can't satisfy the parental ideal of how their life should have gone.
ReplyDeleteWait, am I cynical?