He doesn't look a thing like Jesus!

But, more than you'll ever know.

Everyone has songs in relationships that remind them of your other half. In my case, there's usually several, but sometimes, just one where all of that emotion and pain and bliss and anger and fear just... collide, into a set of notes and chords and vocal chords.

With my first ex, Doormat Ex, the Main Song was Beautiful by Athlete. Pretty easy to avoid when I couldn't stand the thought of being his any more; it's an album track, so no radio time, and Athlete wasn't very big back then, so no danger of just being shocked with it while being out.

Decimating Ex, Ben, had Wonderwall. That was horrible. He took my heart, tried really hard to shatter it, and left me with a whole lot of sadness whenever I heard Oasis' most popular song [that's debateable, whether it's THE most popular, but it's right up there.] Oasis was off limits for MONTHS. We broke up on Chrimble '05, I think. It's approaching Chrimble '08, and I can now listen to it without crying. Three f*cking years it took. He has no idea.

Matt... was weird. He meant the most, but I don't think I had any songs that are painful or weird for me to listen to. There's Tyrant, by the Bravery, and Teardrop, the Massive Attack song. "Words of wisdom, from your tyrant's mouth". I remember being in the Study Centre, writing him emails on Gmail because Hotmail and Yahoo! were blocked, and we would chat, and I wouldn't study, and he worked shitty hours, and I played that song nonstop because it was just so cool. I'm playing it now. I don't feel sad. I grew so much with him, I couldn't possibly feel too sad thinking back.

And, then... there's Ash. Fail Ex. There's a lot of songs that remind me of times we had together.

There's kinda Kelly too. Sort of.

Ash and Kelly share a song. But, it's more Ash than Kelly. It's "When You Were Young" by the Killers. It's on Guitar Hero 3, and I've played it with both of them. I remember one time with Ash when we'd been... spending some time together... and we were both quite exhausted, and we played Guitar Hero. Well, I distracted him, and I failed Easy mode because he was distracting me.

"He doesn't look a thing like Jesus, but he talks like a gentleman - like you imagined when you were young..."

A few nights ago, that song made me immeasurably sad. F*ck knows why. Maybe it was just the realisation that I'm changing and letting go, and it's all very good and for the best, but still, I'm fond of the failpast. Nobody really likes change, everyone likes the status quo, because it's so comfortable. You make it your home, no matter how bad it is, and you accept it. But... not anymore, I guess.

Today, I played that song, felt really good and danced until I couldn't breathe. It was good to be able to associate his song with something positive again.

*crazy guitar solo*